


Why Did I Write This

by dapperghost



Category: A Goofy Movie (1995), Sesame Street (TV), Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games)
Genre: Chains, Disney Songs, Help, I regret everything, Kinky Shit, M/M, Polyamory, Whips, dear lord, elmo is a kinky motherfucker, god save us, happy birthday kyle, im going to hell, im so so so sorry, im so sorry, implied sex, other songs, three-way, threeway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 21:14:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4892470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapperghost/pseuds/dapperghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Goofy, Sonic, and Elmo go on a date, Shia is a sensei to all, and I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Did I Write This

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday Kyle. I hope you enjoy this piece of hell. I regret writing this so much. But at the same time...I don't regret it at all. What have we done?

Goofy was walking along one day, enjoying a sunny Saturday afternoon, when he spotted something, or more specifically someone, who caught his eye. It was a very handsome, blue hedgehog. Goofy froze in his tracks, studying the other.

“Gawrsh,” he said to himself. “That’s one fine feller. Should I talk to him?” He made the decision then, that yes, he would talk to the handsome hedgehog.

He approached the other, palms sweaty, knees weak, arms spaghetti, and gave his best smile. “Eeyuck. Hey there stranger. Mah name’s Goofy. What’s yours?”

“Sonic. Fastest hedgehog in the west. What brings you here to my domain?” He studied the doglike creature, thinking how damn fine this guy looked. Finer than his precious rings man.

“Gawrsh…I was just uh..takin a walk when I saw your fine face and decided to say hey.”

“Well I’m glad you did. I’ve been searching the market for a new partner since Amy left me. So what do ya say? Wanna be my boyfriend?”

“Eeyuck! Do ya really mean it?”

“Of course I mean it. Let’s go right now.” Sonic held out his hand for the other to take, smiling a dashing hedgey hogy smile.

Goofy was about to take it, when he froze. What if he screwed this up? He already messed up with Max’s mom.

Suddenly, Shia labeouf broke down the door of the shop next door. He tackled Goofy to the ground.

“Golly!” Goofy yelped, surprised. When he sat up, he stared wide eyed at Shia. “Sensei Shia? Gawrsh. What brings you here?”

“Goofy, I came because I could sense you needed me. Needed me to tell you…” And then Shia stood up, flexing. “JUST DO IT! DON’T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS!”

Sonic stood watching, unfazed, as the strange man tackled and screamed at his potential date. He was unsurprised, because it turned out, that Shia was his sensei too. He was at the top of his class in the Actual Cannibal Academy, and was therefore used to this behavior, as he had watched all the other students experience the same.

Shia continued to scream motivational words at Goofy, and finally a magical glow surrounded the dog creature. He had been blessed by the Meme Gods. They had granted him the ability of the confidence, all thanks to sensei Shia’s training.

“Goooolly! Thank you Sensei Shia. You saved me!” Goofy exclaimed.

“No need to thank me,” Shia replied. “Just remember, to JUST DO IT.” And with that, Sensei Shia flew away by the seat of his pants, into the sky, never to be seen again. At least until some other lost soul would need his motivational words.

Goofy grinned widely, watching his old sensei fly away. He had graduated. He turned to Sonic, nodding and holding out his hand. “Awright. Now hows about that date, Sanic?”

“Of course Goofy.” Sonic took the other’s hand, skipping with the other to the coffee shop.

As they skipped, Goofy started to sing. “I can shooow you the world. Shining shimmerin splendid! Tell me princess, when did you fiiiirst let yer heart decide? A whole newwww world…”

He continued singing that, and Sonic closed his eyes, humming along happily to the wonderful music, as the approached ever closer to the shop.

* * *

 

At the coffee shop, Elmo was working hard to keep all the customers happy. The fuzzy red monster was humming his favorite song, Elmo’s world, as he filled yet another order for a Pumpkin Spice latte.

Just then, two very interesting customers walked into the shop, and caught Elmo’s eye. The beautiful blue hedgehog and the handsome dog man were such a stunning sight, that Elmo dropped the cup of coffee he was about to give to the next customer.

As the customer tried to get his attention, Elmo told his employees he was going on break, hanging up his apron to walk over to the two. He smiled his best puppety smile, strutting over with the most swagger that one small red monster could have.

“Welcome to Elmo’s coffee shop, what can Elmo do for you today?”

“Eeeyuck. Well we’re here on a date! My name’s Goofy, and this here is Sonic,” Goofy replied. This small fuzzy monster, apparently named Elmo, seemed very attractive in honesty. Too bad Goofy was with someone already. Then again, he never asked if Sonic was okay with polyamory.

“Hey there Elmo. Yeah. We’re on a date. You wanna join us though, Elmo?” Sonic had popped the question before Goofy had even gotten to ask. It seemed they were both thinking the same thing.

“Elmo would love to go on a date with you! Elmo is on his break anyways.”

And that was how Elmo, Sonic, and Goofy had the best date ever at Elmo’s coffee shop. After their date, Elmo decided to take the rest of the day off, so they could all go home together for some fun times.

* * *

 

Once they got to Elmo’s place, a giant mansion on the coast, the fuzzy red monster led them upstairs to his “fun room.” He flicked on the lights, smiling and turning to the two.

“This is what Elmo likes to call, Elmo’s real world.”

Inside the room was a giant, king sized bed. Lining the walls were all sorts of toys and other assorted things, like whips and chains. It a very kinky sight indeed.

Goofy could already feel a {Golly) boner pressin against his overalls. He quietly sang. “Sticks nd stones may break my bones, but whips and chains, eeyup, excite me.”

Sonic just grinned a devilish grin, eyeing all of it. Now this was what he was talkin about.

Elmo approached the two after taking some rope off the wall. “Now it’s Elmo’s turn to tickle you.” He said in a hushed voice, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

After they were both properly tied up, Elmo grinned, leaning in and whispering, “The safe word is Super Grover. Now, Elmo says, say my name bitch.”

After that, they all had really, really kinky sex. (I’m not writing that shit. I’m terrible, but not that terrible.)

THE FUCKING END


End file.
